HellOOOOOOOOOOOO everybody!!!!!! Haha long time no see eh. Lots of stuff been happening. Foremost in my mind is that time is just zooming by, sweeping us off our feet. Mid yr is like, just a month away? Hahaha. REALITY CHECK. Oh man I'm in deep trouble. How am I going to live up to expectations. Anyway english now has improved. Doubt things gonna get worse. Things can only get brighter right? Right. Of course it's still disheartening to see others act that way. Ytd practice like crazy for the percussion thing. Today even worse. Ytd still considered relaxed arh. Today felt pressure! Yes me feeling pressure!!! I felt stressed out I guess. Couldn't for the life of me figure out how come I take so long to learn one piece. When I teach my clarinetists, is either I sort of predict what it's like or I memorise as I go. How come cannot absorb man haha. Anyway it was really fun and trying. And I'm sure some people very happy wor.. Anyway there was this weird woman asking me to buy stuff. I'm sure it's for some good reason. But the only way I'm gonna buy a $12 cat is if it can replace my stead. Please lor I'm superstitious but I'm not gonna waste my money on a $12 cat. Besides, I hate CATS!!! Argh. HAha Joanna sis perm hair wor. Haha temporary but still pretty cool. Some ppl change hairdo is like totally outrageous and not them lor. But it's different some how. Dun know the words to use hehe. And another woman bother me today. From the church this time. Can't you see I'm watching tv? And yes I've been living here my whole life I know where the cathedral is. Argh. Watch Charmed leh. It's like the most important tv show of the week. HAha oh well. Anyway I'm really broke now. Haiz can't help thinking about leaving the band. I love them so much. I feel that so much time has been stolen from us.
Sec 4 is the best year of my secondary life. Probably my life. We are not too mature, not too immature either. We know what's going on around us but not the real depth. Just smart enough to get by without being too ignorant. Haiz. Gonna miss everyone and everything. Oh well.. Anyways good luck everyone!

This morning Remington was in school. Wondered what for until we were summoned to a meeting in the studio. As suspected it was about the english teacher. He laid 2 options clear to us. It was pretty obvious which to take. But there were some who were so blinded by their ego, so blinded by what they think, that it made everything difficult. I was one of four named by her as "troublemakers". In actual fact I think I was quite well-behaved, no pun intended. It was because she kept shooting arrows at me, and watching my friends get shot that I may have acted abit irrationally but none so to the extent of being labelled. I know my limits in the game. Unfortunately this was an entirely different game. One where I was not so in control. Because I failed to access the character of the other player properly. I dare say it was my fault but the first mistake already proved fatal. But that was not an issue in the options. As soon as he had laid them down, I immediately knew which to take. Granted I am terribly unhappy and upset with the decision, with the past, present, and the coming future. Can I be matured and disciplined enough to put aside the past and take control of my future? But how? And will the other party do so as well? I understand it would be extremely hard for her given her 60+ years. But that wasn't what made me nearly half as disappointed and angry as I was. Human nature reared its ugly head. The selfish, impractical, stubborn... Haiz.. Why can't they see the big picture? 4 ppl whom I am disappointed in and even more so in one. Some things are just stupid to argue. Not only is it useless, it is pointless. Come on, do you think ANYONE in the class is happy about it? What makes you so special? Aren't I in the same position you are? Immature selfish brat. Ah well it's not my loss. But disappointment is very evident.
And immediately after, another dispute rose. This was not going the right way. We are not just one person alone. We are a CLASS. Granted I understand your position. But you must again see the bigger picture. Why are so many ppl blinded? Or am I the one thinking in the wrong way and others are right? Haiz. The day passed on pretty well after that though I was still brooding a little. After school the same situation arose but not so bad as there were many of us. Responsibility was forsaken and therefore the initial trouble. But this wasn't so bad coz there were less of us. And I saw more and more idiots in my class.
Went for band. Wah when they not here band is like so empty. The juniors improved a little today. The flutes were great. I was impressed hee. I still cannot understand why my section cannot show good results. We combined and there was a small problem. Of whether we were going to perform in the speech day. Great today blows are raining down at every change in day. To tell the truth I was abit tired in band. Gone were the days when the reason we came was because we loved band, and an added bonus was the friendship and comaradre. Now I feel that I go for the sake of friends, and just for the sake of going. No drive. No spirit. Feel so weary. I really wanna know WHY. To top it all off there was a final hit that made me mad. I felt that I had tried hard. No, not hard I tried my very best of my best. I'm so sorry if it's not enough. That's meant to be sarcasm by the way. What holds me together are my morals I guess. My morals to hear ppl out. To seek to understand and to give fair judgement. I sympathize with my friends and especially to Jiefang. Oh man I felt so sad. She was breaking inside and she could not let herself show it. If we did something wrong can you just tell us. You already know we are in deep shit and you wanna leave us there and what, die and bring everyone along with us?! I feel no guidance. And it really irks me when they can just shrug it off and say they want to eat. I walked off when I heard that. A hand held me though. Took alot of effort to open my ears. Now this time human nature showed a petty side. I couldn't believe how simple the problem was. And I saw the one small step that could have rectified everything. But it was too late to take that step. Band is gone for me. The only reason I will go now will be for one, and one reason only. I am duty bound to impart what I know, and to guide my section and friends. This is the only tie I have, this bond, it is a bond unbreakable. I have given myself through my life to my friends for their needs. Always. It only cost me a little. I had always believed there can be some form of return. I thought that through acts of my own I could help improve and spread goodness through human nature in some way. I now know that the effort had been mostly wasted. My belief, once standing proud and strong, unshakable, was being torn down. Luckily as the foundation is so strong it will take some doing. But it is shaky nonetheless.
The core of my being is now questioning itself. Why should I be like this? Why dun I follow other people? Why can't I just walk around, worrying about no one but myself? It pains me so much. I feel battered and shattered. I have summarized all the problems of today into what it really is.
A lack of communication. First it was teacher to student, then leader to class, now instructor to member. Thus proves the saying. "There is no such thing as a bad student. Only a bad teacher."

Wah today got d&t remedial le. So sian. Thanks to Aloy I finally got interviewed. Aloy wanna tong pang go bedok so we waited damn long lor. I think in that time we can walk to and fro bedok like 10 times no problem. At least I got to break the pinball record by like 6 million. Finally he came and it was like I think the waiting was abit no point. I went to the library to get an AC then went home.
Changed, then took a cab down to east coast. The stuff was heavier than I thought adding the cakes. I think actually the cakes not too nice. Nvm. Only Norman and Eng Heng were there. Wah the 'house' very nice arh. But dun know will burn well or not. Soon some others came. Went to the sea abit. Is very nice except the sand part. Now that's irritating. I cut myself while cutting an orange. I only cut myself coz Mr Chiu told me to cut. Haiz. But he's a very nice guy. Put a plaster on for the first time in years. The others came quite late leh. I took off the plaster and we went to the sea for games. Wah the water literally stung my finger. What an idiot I was for doing that. Then went to play in the trees. It was a typical game. And was pretty fun. But some people just dun get it you know. At the end of the game, I felt pretty worn out and voice was not mine. Then came a piece of news that made me feel... extremely sad. Abit devastated I guess. And I can't for the life of me imagine why. For one it wasn't expensive. Haiz dun understand it. But blindly I went to look for it. Went to the toilet, bought a sundae and looked for it again. Of course to no avail. It was really a needle in a haystack. Haiz.
Then the bbq started! I help cook a little lolx. I really appreciate my juniors. Hamizah is an angel in disguise. Andrew is the bro I never had. We both dunked each other just now lolx. Really fun. Wah the sec ones very on leh. Too on. Painful. Sat down relaxed and talked. Then realized that my torpedo was missing. Very downer. Sheryl helped me search for it. Couldn't find. But luckily, I suddenly found it!!! So happy!!! Haha dun know why everyone cheered. Went to play. Sheryl was really very good. We played until they left and then sat down and laughed and talked. Couldn't peel orange coz both my fingers something wrong. Dun know how that happened. Had loads of fun!!!!!! Hahahahaha. Then Hew yenn talked to me bout something. Haha cheer up girl!!!!!! Dun worry unneccesarily!!!!!!!!!! Me here!! Hahaha. Vanessa dad fetch me and Joanna home. Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!! Short girl stubborn leh. And she had actually borrowed a book from the library! Fantastic hee hee... Haiz now feeling really tired. But still super high!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahaha. But gotta read my book. And gotta find some time to myself within this last few days. Ciao everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi!!! Wow today is like such a waste of my time. I could have like read more of my book. Or even studied. But no we had to go to the stupid Beatty sec. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw their work. They were supposed to be like the best in Singapore 2004 but I think compared to the worst normal student they are nothing. Can't believe it. Which just set our standards higher. Maybe this year cambridge will be so impressed they will just give A1 to my whole cohort. Now that would be something. Anyway yeah I still did feel that it was a waste of my time. That idiot Remington forgot all about us and our lunch break. He was like supposed to interview Aloy also lor. In the end we had all to go down see him then he let us go. We wandered around and in the end went to kfc. No fun cannot even eat well. Anyway I bought rations. And the most irritating thing of the day was this couple in the queu beside me. They were like hugging and kissing. I wanted to just punch that guys face. He should be embarassed lor the both of them behaving like this. It was non stop all the way lay. Kaoz how old do you think you are. Anyway went home at 4 plus. Went to buy some stuff then went my sis house to bake. Didn't really want to bake today as thought will be tired but still went anyway. But we didn't get to start because I on the terminal and we all went to watch hehe. Started late but did manage to do quite alot. Oh well can't say I'm not very happy. But I would have been much happier if I could have read finish my book. Yeah and spend so much time calling the section and had to call all over again coz forgot to tell them to bring consent form. And someone was like keep on asking me what to wear lor lolx. Wah cannot even do my work hehe. Oh well tml's the bbq. Hope it will be the best ever! Oh yeah have a safe trip Shan joo!!!!!!!!!! Go there like that better come back like that hor.

Yeah!!!!!!!!!! Princesses on ice is the most fantabulous thing!!! Excellent! Perfect! C'est magnifique! Wah totally enjoyed myself. The whole show was brilliant. Moreover I won the tickets myself lolx. It wasn't easy ok and took a hell lot of luck and skill in lying on my part hehe. It was quite early, 11.30. My sis fetched us and we went to expo. Quite crowded. There were so many souveneirs!!! I really wanted the sword but my mum wouldn't hear of it. Glow in the dark eh. But yeah they were all ridiculously ex. A bucket of popcorn was $15. Then there were this cool ice thing but it was $14. The cup looked really nice though. The mickey mouse one not so good. The cinderella really so nice!!! After getting popcorn me and my cousin went in. When we went in the lights suddenly went off. Before I could tell her to watch out she knocked into this small girl I think. Dun know why but I just talked to her. She was on the phone. Then she gripped me tightly and went to find her mum. Hahaha her voice so cute and excited. Found our seats. View was all right I guess. Everything was superb. Especially the costumes. But the music was too loud I think. Then some parts that they reenact not so good especially the mushu one. Why can't they just take it from the film. But overall everything was really excellent. Loved every minute of it. First Aladdin, Sleeping Beauty, Little Mermaid, Mulan, Snow White, and Beauty and the Beast. All the costumes so nice leh. Then intermission. And then saw a wand and liked it. After that was Cinderella. She quite important wor, take up almost half the show. Nice choreography. The fairy godmother wand can shoot sparks leh. Then I thought about the toy one and decided not to buy. I couldn't get decent shots of the princesses. Haiz. But everything was fantastic! Hehehe. Finally persuaded my mum to let me buy the program. My cousin took the rose hmph. Nvm la but is like a memory leh. My mind was still so full of the show. Better than those stupid band concerts that we are always asked to go.
In the car saw the program. Yuan lai the princesses really so ugly one lolx. The cartoon is sooooo beautiful lor. But from far cannot really see the face so at least it's ok never spoil the show. Ok I got new favourite stuff liao. I realized I got all the vcd except for Aladdin. And unless I am like the luckiest person on Earth I doubt I can get it. It's too old I think. Pity. Anyway I just watched it recently. Hopefully the memory will stick. Send everyone home, then buy chicken, then send me home. Wah still thinking bout the show. Spent the day watching cartoons, then reading my book. Wanted to go aunt house by myself first but then decided to wait. Reach there quite late lor. The food was ok. Watch batman of the future: return of the joker. So nice!!! Hahaha today like quite lucky lolx. Oops hope the luck is evenly spread out. But yeah I think nothing can make me regret watching the princesses today. Borrowed a couple of dvds too. Down there like library lor. Didn't get some I wanted but I think is good enough le. Yeah gonna watch tv. Go watch Princesses on Ice!!!

Class Challenge Trophy. Just cancel those words and put "402 vs 403". That's what's happening now guys. Open your eyes and see the bigger picture will you? It's just a challenge. Are you really prepared to put years of friendship aside just to go for that 2 day trip? You're working so hard just for that only lor. What you think after 10 years ppl will still talk abt it and remember you? What's the big deal. Dun you all understand what is a healthy challenge? You are turning yourselves into someone you dun like lor. Take a step back and have a look at yourself, and the big picture. This is the mess you made. The CCT is not everything you know. What about your studies? Slowly but surely it is definitely affecting yours and everyone's morale. Can dun be so selfish? Dun know what to say lor. So shocked at you all the behaviour. You better go mend the broken fences fast before it is damaged some more beyond repair.

Yoyoyo me back again. Been a busy many days. Lots of stuff have happened. Past few days were long days. Never ending. No respite. No time to get your balance. Even though sleep early is still so difficult to wake up. When went to the stadium to run abit my muscles totally seized up. I was scared but luckily on the heats I got some gel. And even managed to qualify. Sadly I didn't have enough presence of mind to throw the javelin properly. Which is obviously as the distance got shorter. I forgot all the technique. Haiz anyway I did qualify for shot put too. Made me feel a bit of regret not running all my life. Not even once. 403 did quite a good job for the organization. Too bad it had to rain. But the rain did stop. Had lots of fun though. With the mike and everything lolx. I think Shanjoo used the mike to hit me on purpose hehe.
For results, I guess I did ok. Much better than last year. Some were disappointing though. I really wish that english teacher would go. I think she would be ok if she had hit off with the class well the first time. But now is everyone dun like her. How can you expect to learn from someone you dun like. Really miss Mdm Rubiah. I was settling down and quite happy with my teachers. Then this woman had to come and upset everything. Always say you can leave anytime. Leave lor. Dun worry no one will stop you. I have to see Remington now everyday during recess and if I can after school too. After school will sit in the hod room do homework. Haven't done it yet but will happen soon I'm sure. He is like more approachable this year. Last night I went into the early hours just to do a new mindmap which I am quite happy with. But then I can't think or find anything. I will fail in research. But things which require the mind like mindmapping is ok. Hopefully I can manage to finish revision by early april.
I think other than being really tired all the time everything is quite all right. Not time for magic. Hardly anytime for tv. Not enough rest. So this is what it's like. What I really want now and have been wanting for a long time is to go and rollerblade. Just free and easy on a week day as there wun be much people. Bliss. Hopefully too I still have what I learnt last time. My striding is improving. That's for a the immediate future. For the near future there's the exam, lots of revision and studying coz doing 1 year more stuff, band, recording band, sports day. I can make a mindmap. Hmm actually maybe I should .Then I can organize my thoughts. Interesting idea. Now I have a notebook le finally. Dun know wanna make it general or d&t. Anyway I'll leave you with this. (It's on the front of my notebook too.)


I met Mr. Nike. He said: 'JUST DO IT!'

I met Mr. Tag Heuer. He said: 'SUCCESS IS ALL IN THE MIND!'

and last but not least,

I met Mr. M1. He said: 'ONE LIFE. LIVE IT!'